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I have had those dreams before- the ones where something tragic happens to a family member and I imagine what I would do, how I would feel and react. Realizing how scary and morbid those thoughts are, I generally stop myself and force a more pleasant daydream.   Perhaps those imaginary preparations prepared me for the actual thing. The doctor said our actions were textbook, we responded exactly as we were supposed to.   I can find peace in that only because Isaac has fully recovered, but where I struggle to find peace is my memory.   The real life, tragic pictures of my precious little boy under the water. His purple face.   His limp body as we pulled him up.   Never could I have imagined these images and I pray they stop haunting me.   Our family was vacationing in Florida for a few days after Steve came home from a three week long work trip.  We had just walked in from a fun day of activity and decided to jump in the pool before my in-laws ...
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The Moving Checklist You Forgot

I’m bracing for a move. Although my mind is reeling with task lists and thousands of various physical arrangements, I’m trying to emotionally prep. This is not our first rodeo and I’ve noticed a pattern in myself. As I initially make my way down my task list, I feel fantastic. New curtains, check! Damage forms filled out, check! Find fastest route to commissary, check! It is about month three when I find myself discouraged. The dust has settled and the remaining checks on my task list are taking FOREVER to complete. My time of feeling productive has slowed and the reality of loneliness is settling in. Although I haven’t written ‘find good friends’ on my task list, it is subconsciously there. I know to tell myself building community takes time, but I don’t want to wait. I find myself desperate to expedite the process and begin marketing my personality in conversations saying,  I typically feel this way…  or  I’m the kind of person who…  hoping others can insta...
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A Full Heart

The FIRST thing Isaac said when Levi and Samantha went to see him in the hospital was, 'we need a family picture!' Since he has a strong aversion to group photos, I was shocked and found it hilarious.  I can't believe I failed to take one! This morning as we typically piled on the couch, he said it again.  So, with a full heart, I share this image.   Your support has bolstered my full heart.  Thank you for the prayers, the hugs (even virtual ones) and for sharing your own trials.  To those who were spurred to sign up for CPR training or swim classes for your kiddos, you've provided a greater purpose for me sharing this story so publicly.  The drama of it all is over. Isaac's follow up appointment was fantastic. One would never know he was in intensive care (besides the ankle bracelet he refuses to take off since it 'keeps boo boos away').  I echo the repeated sentiments "God had his hand on Isaac", "God is good" and ...
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