Skip to main content

Experiencing Weakness

The continuous headlines about fearless females, superhero moms and mighty girls inspire me.  I consider myself a strong woman. I am proud of my abilities to overcome challenges with courage, skill and power. 
However, in the past few months I've started to question my strength.  Most days my coping skills hold strong and I sustain my burdens high in the air. However, there are times when no amount of pep talk, healthy habit, glass of wine or psychological training offer the strength I need.  My muscles buckle and the weights crash down leaving me stunned and weak. 
 'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."...
I know God uses the weak. I've read example after example in his word. I listen to the sermons and am motivated to be his hands and feet, but I would like Him to reveal his power through the abilities he has given me- the ones I'm 'proud of' not the ones I am lacking in.
'Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me... 
I don't want to relate to the worship songs that name my fears, reveal my failings and cry out about my weaknesses.  But denying them with an "I can do it" script has brought me to a place of exhaustion. 

I'm starting to see that this 'strong woman' role I've accepted is hindering me from receiving the greatest dose of courage, skill and power possible. The Bible tells me God is more powerful and mighty than I can even imagine.  Those worship songs about needing help aren't meant to be whiny, they reflect a humble heart of one who has recognized His greatness.

God did not make me to be an independently strong woman nor did he make me to be his hands and feet. God made me to bring glory to His name. 

I see He has brought me to this point of weakness so I may clearly see my choices. I can continue to hope to hold my burdens high while I make headlines among those around me, or I can hand over my weights to the strongest of all and let the banner of my life be His love. 



It has taken me weeks to write this out.  Humbling myself is not a habit and it goes against everything culture tells me, but I choose to live out the fulfilling purpose of bringing glory to His name. 
I'm giving up the authorship of my accomplishments, I'm giving up my days of endless acting and I'm accepting the role some call 'needy' because - His strength will ALWAYS be more than mine on my bad days and my best days.
'That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses,
in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.'
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Starting today I will be a strong woman- not by striving, but by surrendering. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I have had those dreams before- the ones where something tragic happens to a family member and I imagine what I would do, how I would feel and react. Realizing how scary and morbid those thoughts are, I generally stop myself and force a more pleasant daydream.   Perhaps those imaginary preparations prepared me for the actual thing. The doctor said our actions were textbook, we responded exactly as we were supposed to.   I can find peace in that only because Isaac has fully recovered, but where I struggle to find peace is my memory.   The real life, tragic pictures of my precious little boy under the water. His purple face.   His limp body as we pulled him up.   Never could I have imagined these images and I pray they stop haunting me.   Our family was vacationing in Florida for a few days after Steve came home from a three week long work trip.  We had just walked in from a fun day of activity and decided to jump in the pool before my in-laws ...
1 comment
Read more

The Moving Checklist You Forgot

I’m bracing for a move. Although my mind is reeling with task lists and thousands of various physical arrangements, I’m trying to emotionally prep. This is not our first rodeo and I’ve noticed a pattern in myself. As I initially make my way down my task list, I feel fantastic. New curtains, check! Damage forms filled out, check! Find fastest route to commissary, check! It is about month three when I find myself discouraged. The dust has settled and the remaining checks on my task list are taking FOREVER to complete. My time of feeling productive has slowed and the reality of loneliness is settling in. Although I haven’t written ‘find good friends’ on my task list, it is subconsciously there. I know to tell myself building community takes time, but I don’t want to wait. I find myself desperate to expedite the process and begin marketing my personality in conversations saying,  I typically feel this way…  or  I’m the kind of person who…  hoping others can insta...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Full Heart

The FIRST thing Isaac said when Levi and Samantha went to see him in the hospital was, 'we need a family picture!' Since he has a strong aversion to group photos, I was shocked and found it hilarious.  I can't believe I failed to take one! This morning as we typically piled on the couch, he said it again.  So, with a full heart, I share this image.   Your support has bolstered my full heart.  Thank you for the prayers, the hugs (even virtual ones) and for sharing your own trials.  To those who were spurred to sign up for CPR training or swim classes for your kiddos, you've provided a greater purpose for me sharing this story so publicly.  The drama of it all is over. Isaac's follow up appointment was fantastic. One would never know he was in intensive care (besides the ankle bracelet he refuses to take off since it 'keeps boo boos away').  I echo the repeated sentiments "God had his hand on Isaac", "God is good" and ...
Post a Comment
Read more